Gentle. You watch me walk into darkness over and over, and you always worry. Thank you.

[gayniac5]

Cole is enjoying Val Royeaux, and this surprises him. He had wondered if the sights and sounds and smells of Val Royeaux might be too much for him, especially now that everyone, not just those he chose to reach out to, could see him. Estraven's presence had been calming, however, as it always was, her thoughts and feelings ever a soothing presence in his own mind. The ease with which he had spoken with her about his past, and his time with his friend Rhys, had surprised him, and he wondered if this was a part of his newfound humanity, or simply an effect that she had on him.

He watches Estraven eat now, curiously, a slight smile on his lips as he peers out from under the brim of his hat.

"I'm glad you brought me here," he says, "I think I like having fun."

Comments

[autisticcole]

It was hard for Estraven to express just how excited she was at the prospect of actually going somewhere outside of Skyhold with Cole. There was a sense of wonder she got from seeing all her companions interact with new people, from observing the mannerisms they displayed to others instead of just her. But she'd never really gotten to see that with Cole, for obvious reasons - so all this was new and exciting. His small smile was returned with a wide grin of her own as she shifted in her seat, legs bouncing excitedly under the table.

"That's good! Fun is... um, fun," she says. "I'm not used to going into human cities much either. They're loud and it's hard to focus. But..." Estraven looks down at her plate of cheese and bread and fruit with an expression of fondness one might see a parent use for their child. "The food is amazing! And watching the people is interesting." She takes a drink of the horrendously expensive wine the waiter poured for her (it's on the Inquisition's tab. Cassandra isn't going to be pleased) and smiles again, which is something she hasn't seemed to stop doing today. "Thank you for coming with me. It's better when people are here."

She wants to say "it's better when you're here", but she doesn't, not yet.

[gayniac5]

The words Estraven doesn't say flit quickly through Cole's mind, and he wonders to himself why she doesn't say them out loud. It was a nice thing to think, he thinks, and he can't imagine why she would be ashamed to say it. This wasn't the first private thought of this nature she'd had about him, and although he'd heard them all, he couldn't quite work out their meaning. They were pieces of a puzzle, and try as he might, he couldn't get them to fit together.

"You're...glad. That I'm here," he says, looking down at his lap as he fingers at a tear in his pants, "It's better for me that you're here, too. Crowds are usually...bad. There's so many people, so many thoughts, some of them loud, some too tangled and tied up in knots to tell where they begin and end, but yours are...softer, simpler, soothing." He turns his head to the side, and looks to the table next to him, where a masked couple are seated sharing a plate similar to the one Estraven is eating all to herself.

"It is interesting to watch," he muses, "She wants to leave because the man reminds her too much of her father. Why doesn't she say so?"

[autisticcole]

Estraven doesn't have an answer for him right away, because it doesn't make sense to her either. She mumbles out an "umm" as she thinks, staring at the couple. The woman is smiling and laughing like nothing's wrong, and it frightens the elf to think that lying comes so easily to people - and that she might never notice it. But she wants to answer Cole's question, so she thinks harder.

"Maybe she doesn't want to hurt his feelings?" she offers tentatively. "But not telling him sooner rather than later is only going to make things more painful. So maybe she just doesn't want to... deal with making things uncomfortable?" Estraven runs a hand through her long black hair, frowning a bit before remembering to stop staring at them. She's VERY relieved Cole is nothing like her father.

[gayniac5]

"It would be easier if people said what they wanted more often," he says, not taking his eyes off the pair even as they take notice of him, and begin to shift uncomfortably in their chairs. "Like you. You don't always say the things you want to say, but you don't lie like others do. It's easier to understand."

He gives a toothy smile, turning his head back towards Estraven as the thoughts of the strangers seated near them turn hostile in response to his staring.

"Orlais has such wonderful hats," he says cheerily, the tone in his voice shifting abruptly. "Where do they come all from?"

[autisticcole]

She can't help but be a little sartled as she remembers that Cole can, in fact, read her mind. It doesn't bother her, per se - she trusts him more than anyone else, after all - but given how her thoughts have been increasingly drifting towards him, she feels a tiny bit embarrassed. Luckily, she doesn't have to think of a response before he switches the topic of conversation back to one of his favorite subjects: hats.

Estraven laughs and looks around at the other restaurant patrons, several of whom are wearing outlandish (but, she assumes, highly fashionable) hats. "They're quite something, aren't they?" She looks at Cole's hat - it's well-loved and it suits him, but -

"Hey, would you ever want to get a new hat? I mean, not to replace your current one! It's a lovely hat. But, maybe for variety, you know?" Her blue eyes seem to sparkle as she thinks about this, the way they often do when she gets excited about a new idea. "You could have one casual hat and one fancy hat. Or maybe wear a different hat to match your mood!"

[gayniac5]

Cole looks at her and furrows his brow, his eyes growing a little wider as he touches the brim of his hat with the tips of his fingers.

"A...new one?" he says, confusion in his voice, "You mean..."

Cautiously, he folds his hands around the hat's edges, and lifts his arms slowly and bringing the hat with them. When it's off he lowers it into his lap, staring first at it and then at Estraven.

"...It comes off," he says finally, bewildered, mouth hanging slightly agape "I didn't know I could take it off. I thought- Does that mean...their hats come off, too? All of them? I didn't know. I thought those were part of their heads, too. I thought-"

He interrupts himself with a quiet laugh, curling his hands tightly into the hat's fabric as if it was going to vanish.

"Yes," he says, "I...would like another hat. I like the ones with the feathers the most. I...Thank you."

[autisticcole]

Estraven is so excited about seeing Cole hatless that she claps a bit, practically bouncing in her chair. His pale blonde hair is flat against his head, which she guesses is part of what having permanent hat-hair is like. She wonders if he slept with the hat on, before remembering he doesn't actually sleep.

She really wants to touch his hair, but she doesn't, not yet.

"Let's go look for one! Val Royeaux must be the perfect place to buy a gorgeous new hat, right? With feathers!" She looks at the half-full bottle of wine, considers trying to smuggle it out of the restaurant (possibly down her shirt), decides Cassandra wouldn't approve of that, and settles for quickly drinking what's left in her glass before standing up. Giving the waiter a smile and nod, she reaches to hold Cole's hand. It's a thing they've been doing for some time now, although she can't remember when exactly it started, but it helps them both stay grounded and calm in big, overwhelming cities like Val Royeaux.

She's always been physically affectionate with the other Inquisition members, dispensing hugs and holding hands like it's her job, but her heart always flutters a little faster when her hands touch Cole's for the first time.

[gayniac5]

Cole holds Estraven's hand tightly, clutching his hat to his chest as he follows her through the crowd. He feels her heart beating faster, for a moment, or rather the feelings that accompanied it; a swelling in her chest, and a warmth rising to her face. It was all tangled up with something like shame, caught in a confusing web of feelings she was shying away from for reasons he didn't fully understand.

He opens his mouth for a moment as they make their way somewhat clumsily through the streets, their linked hands between them threatening to break apart several times as they run into passersby. He considers saying something to try and tug loose the thoughts she was hiding, but at the moment, she was practically radiating happiness, and he didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing, not now that he couldn't start over and try again.

"This is it, isn't it?" he says, when they've stopped in front of a large emporium. His voice is somewhat awestruck as he takes in the sight of it, and he lets go of Estraven's hand to press up against the glass of the shop window. "There's so many different shapes, sizes, colors, textures. They're beautiful."

His breath fogs up the glass as he presses his nose against it, and he only pulls back when a bell rings as the door opens and a customer exits.

"You...can go inside?" he asks, wringing his hands excitedly.

[autisticcole]

She nods, waving for him to follow her in the shop. "Yup! Come on, maybe I'll pick one out too." This was probably not to be the case. Hats for Orlesian nobility often didn't take large, pointy ears into consideration, but Estraven could still hope. Maybe one with flowers on it. You never know!

The bell rings quietly as the pair enter the store, surrounded by brightly colored hats with all kinds of decorations, from simple black caps to hats that more resemble elaborate, wearable sculptures than actual headgear. She meets the shopkeeper's eyes and gives a small smile and nod of acknowledgement before turning back to the hats. Picking up a bright purple feathered hat about three sizes too large for her, she sets it at an appropriately jaunty angle and turns to look at Cole, barely able to see him from under the brim.

"Well, uh, this one might fit you, at least...? Do you think purple is your color?"

[gayniac5]

Cole takes a step back and screws up his face, rocking back and forth from heel to toe as he ponders.

"I don't know," he says finally, "Purple is bold, brilliant, a color for important people. Some people think this means royalty, but they don't always deserve to be purple. It fits you, though, the way dream of things bigger and brighter. It's gentle, too, calming. Yes, purple is good for you. You just need to find one that fits."

He leaves his hat with Estraven before walking over to a green velvet hat with a long brown feather and a bow and weighing it in his hands, running his palm over it to feel of it. He immediately feels his throat close and sets the hat down quickly with a slight cough, overstimulated by the texture.

"The colors are right, but it's...not good to touch," he chokes, "I like browns and greens. The colors of growing, changing, healing, making things better. That's what I want to wear."

[autisticcole]

Estraven is not personally sure purple is good for her, she thinks as she looks in a mirror, or maybe not this shade, so she sets the hat back down gently on the wooden display head before holding Cole's.

She's never actually touched Cole's hat before and it feels, honestly, much more intimate than touching a hat should. The texture is soft from so much daily wear, and she can see the worn, frayed spots where Cole nervously runs his fingertips along the brim. She holds it close to her chest as she follows Cole through the store, cradling it like a precious gem. Wearing it would be like... not like sharing underwear, because that's gross, but the closest Estraven can think is like sleeping in someone else's bed. Comfortable even as it's one step removed from total familiarity, surrounded by someone else's smell. Again with the intimacy! She shakes the thoughts loose from her head.

"Hmm... that's good. I think earth tones look best on you anyway," she says as if she has any idea what being fashionable means, and points at a brown leather hat with deep green and blue feathers on the brim. "What about that one?"

It is essentially the Thedosian equivalent of a cowboy hat.

i intend to satisfy you

[gayniac5]

Cole's eyes widen, and he walks over to the stand the hat rests on, removing it carefluly and running his fingers over the feathers before setting it atop his head. He finds his reflection in the glass of one of the windows, and tries to angle it the way he had seen Estraven do with the purple one a moment ago.

"This one feels...right," he says, "It's good to touch, not like the other one, and it fits the right way."

He pulls it down, tighter, so it's more snug around his head.

"I...love it, I think," he says, with great feeling; it was the first time he had used the word to describe his feelings for anything. "Thank you."

Re: i intend to satisfy you

[autisticcole]

She feels warm in her chest, can feel a flush spreading across her cheeks and is very thankful for her dark skin and freckles and vallaslin covering it. She's never heard him say he loves anything before, and she clutches his old hat a little tighter. She imagines him saying it to her, and sharply inhales before trying to focus again.

The happiness is plain on Cole's face - he looks almost reverent, and Estraven's own smile spreads across her face at the sight. It's easy to satisfy him, and she's grateful for it, because everyone else can be hard to read at times, but he never is. "I'm glad you love it," she says sincerely, "and you're welcome. It's my pleasure. Um..."

She fidgets a little, looking at the floor, still clutching his hat. "Thank you, too. For coming out with me." She closes her eyes. "I'm really happy," she says, her voice almost a whisper, and she means it so genuinely she feels like the words are magic.

Re: i intend to satisfy you

[gayniac5]

Cole's smile broadens at her words, and at the warmth of the look on her face.

"You're...happy," he repeats slowly, "You're happy that you made me happy. That's how I feel, when I help, when I heal the hurt, but you feel it for me."

Cassandra had told him that it would be difficult to accept the kindness of others, and for a while it had been. This, though, Estraven's kindness, was somehow not; it wasn't confusing or complicated, wasn't tangled up with anything painful like the frustration mingled with Solas's concerns for him, or the world-weariness that often accompanied Varric's. This was easy, simple and safe.

"I'm...glad," he says finally, snapping out of his reflections. "We need to find a hat for you, too. It's only fair."

[autisticcole]

"Alright," she says with a small laugh, "but I'm not sure we'll find any that don't chafe my ears." She's always liked wearing flowers in her hair, and took to weaving crowns out of them for the others to pass the time, but maybe some real headgear would be nice. Especially with the important ball coming up - the Winter Palace seemed like the kind of place you'd need a fancy hat for. In any case, she's pretty sure she can't show up to the ball with plants stuck in her hair. She doesn't think Josephine would approve.

"Umm," Estraven murmurs, looking around the shop. She drifts towards deep blues and purples, colors to go with her bright blue eyes and vallaslin. She stops in her tracks as she sees a peacock-feathered monstrosity from across the shop, like the most ill-advised episode of love at first sight possible. Handing Cole's hat back to him, she picks it up gently. It doesn't cover her full head, leaving room for her ears, and she delicately clips it into her black hair before looking in a mirror.

She bursts out laughing instantly. The tall feathers must add a whole foot to her small stature. It's the most ridiculous thing she's ever seen.

She loves it. She wishes she could buy one for everyone in Skyhold. Maybe one for each of Iron Bull's horns. "This is perfect. No one who talks to me at the Winter Palace while I'm wearing this is going to be able to take anything seriously."

[gayniac5]

"Why wouldn't they take you seriously?" Cole asks, tilting his head to the side slightly with a heartbreakingly earnest look of confusion on his face. He takes a step towards her and reaches out, stroking one of the feathers between his thumb and forefinger.

"Blue is good for you, too. It's trusting, and thoughtful. It looks nice on you. It makes your eyes brighter, the marks on your face bolder. I like it."

[autisticcole]

"Well, they... they wouldn't have taken me seriously anyway," Estraven admits, suddenly looking a bit somber. "Because I'm an elf." There's no small amount of bitterness in that last statement, but it's all swept away when Cole steps closer to her and touches the ridiculous hat.

Her eyes widen and she feels her cheeks heating up AGAIN, can practically hear her heart start pounding under her ribs. "It-- I-- y-you do? Like it?" she stammers out, and she knows that right now in this moment if he asked her to wear this dumb hat forever she would only barely stop short of using blood magic to fix it to her head. She tries to collect herself and smiles. "Well, that means I have to buy it, right? We'll be the talk of Orlais with our fabulous new headwear, you and I."

its summer. ive got my hat on backwards and its time to fucking party

[gayniac5]

There it was again, that warm feeling she was trying so hard to suppress, and once again he considers asking her about it before the thought is interrupted by her enthusiastic chattering. Later, he decides. He can ask later.

"Will we?" he asks, looking at his reflection again and tipping the hat at different angles,

"I wonder if Dorian will think I'm handsome now," he ponders, "He doesn't like my other hat."